Sebastian’s Journal by Eden Elsworth

This isn’t a new book by any means, but I was in the mood for a hurt/comfort-read and was recommended this one. It wasn’t what I had hoped for though. Not even close.

Synopsis: Sebastian, a rich and selfish prick, crashes into a homeless man one day. The homeless man is a beautiful 19-year old who looks 16. His name is Nathan and Sebastian becomes obsessed. After Nathan is attacked and utterly broken, Sebastian brings him home to his appartment and “takes care” of him. Sex, sex, sex. Sugardaddy. Sex. Some commotion to get revenge on Nathan’s childhood molester. The end.

To be fair I’ll start off by saying what I liked about this story.

Let me just think for a bit.

Wow, nothing comes to mind. At all.

Okay, so I’ll start with everything that made me cringe instead.

So there’s this abused, shell of a young man (or boy as Sebastian keeps referring to him as) who’s been deeply traumatized. First by sexual abuse as a child, then by all the stuff he had to resort to just to survive on the streets. Including prostituting himself. And apparently the cure for all that ails him is some good old nooky with his savior Sebastian.

It doesn’t matter how loving and über-consensual Elsworth tries to portray it, it’s still creepy as hell. No matter how it’s described, it’s practically impossible to view Nathan’s and Sebastian’s relationship than anything other than another kind of abuse, where Sebastian takes advantage and Nathan’s in no position to say no. That it all happens in a luxury appartment doesn’t make it less disturbing.

It’s especially disconcerting when considering Nathan’s propensity to act younger than his age. He’s a 19-year old who’s reverting back to a more child-like state when overwhelmed or triggered. But hey, why not solve the problems of the rape victim with lots and lots of sex!?

Sounds like a good idea?


Well, I didn’t think so either which is why I had a huge lump in my throat and a sick feeling in my chest the entire story. I don’t know why I even finished it.


I'm a Swedish book nerd reading mostly steamy English romance novels. And since there is so much good stuff out there, and so much shitty stuff too. I just want to give credit where it's due (and diss the rest).